At work

My mind tends to run thoughts through my mind more when im at work..i guess thats cause im at the desk all the time so i have time to think about things. i then find myself going on to goggle and trying to find the answer to my problems on other peoples' blogs or like yahoo answers. it doesnt always work but i guess it helps out a little and changes the view i have on that situation. well i guess i should go back to work before a parent catches me on here and wants to talk about my problems haha

A little about me

So i tend to bottle everything up till my mind explodes, then i close the lid again till it explodes and etc. i had one person that i could put all my cards on the table with. but the key word in that sentence is had, now that person is no longer in my life, so its back to keeping everything in again. thats why i made one of these things. my new therapist is Blogger! they always told me its bad to keep everything in cause it eats you out and blah blah blah. i guess i have no insides and thats why im so skinny but oh well no one could give me the answer to life or understand how i look at it so why try telling it to someone. its funny though cause everyone tells me i give the best advice and that i helped them out a lot, sucks that my own advice doesnt work for me.

WHY?

"why" is always what comes to my mind when i hear your name or see your face.

1. Why do i love you so much?
2. Why cant i forget about you?
3. Why cant i move on?
4. Why did you mean so much to me?
5. Why did it end?
6. Why cant i stop thinking about you?
7. Why do we always go back to eachother?
8. Why did i have to kiss you?
9. Why do you say those things to me?
10. Why are you with him?
11. Why did we fall in love?
12. Why is it so hard?
13. Why does my world revolve around you?
14. Why cant i look at you in the eyes?
15. Why cant i sleep at night?
16. Why do i pray for us to get back together?
17. Why do play games with my head?
18. Why dont you want to let go?
19. Why do we lie to eachother?
20. Why am i writing this???

Still more but thats enough for now.....

R.I.P Juancho

wow its been 4 and a half years already and yet it still feels like yesterday. i was in my room in the dark thinking about life like i always do, and then i hear my mom on the phone talking to my brother trying to calm him down and i hear her voice start cracking and asking what happen and if you were okay. As i got closer to her room i can hear Sebastian screaming and crying, and right away i knew something was wrong. She told me you were in the hospital and for me to go to bed, so i laid in the dark on my bed wondering what happen to you. A few minutes past until i heard my mom start crying and she came into my room and told me you had passed away. I was in shock and couldnt believe it, i didnt want to. No tears fell down my face until it hit me that this was all real. I starred into the pitch darkness thinking about what we had done that week and talked about. Still to this day i cant remember saying bye to you that day and it kills me. You had the most energy of all of us and you were the one with the most life in him. your smile was amazing just like your heart. even though you got caught in something that you didnt need, you knew it was wrong and kept me away from making the same mistake. you are the reason why i am out of the streets and stayed away from gangs and drugs. i can still remember when you told me to not be like you and stay away from those people or you will beat me up haha. you've changed you the life of so many people, especially my life. you were one of my best friend/ brother. i went to you about things that i didnt go to anyone else to. i cant understand why is it you that had to go...you were so young and such a good person. this experience has changed my outlook on life, and made me realize life is unpredictable. no one saw it coming and i guess thats what makes it hurt so much. i think about you all the time and wondering how would it be if you were still here. Sofia would have loved you so much and i bet she would have picked you over the rest of us for everything. shes gonna know who her other uncle is. well i think thats enough for tonight...till tomorrow my brother i love you

New to this

So after reading someone's tumblr, i decided i needed something to let out all the stress and thoughts that run through my mind like a freight train. So lets give this a try..